I Know Nothing: Penguins vs Flyer tickets? Don Cherry is dead Edition

I stopped in our downtown office last night to answer all the hand written letters sent to us. Since we are too cheap to pay for stamps, I’m answering the letters online.

Can8ENbacon writes:   Hey Shultzie, why do you hate Don Cherry so much?  This one’s easy, it’s not as much  I don’t like him, the truth is he hates ME! Last year during the cup finals I ran into Don Cherry, then I backed over him to finish the job! Then somebody yelled “Don Cherry is dead!” so I kept going, all the while giggling like a madman as I parked the Zamboni on what was left of the $5 suit he stole from Liberace!

Flyerfan69 writes: Dear Shultzie, You owe us one!      You are right! And your deodorant is in the mail. First off, I’m not going to thank you for taking care of our light work, we have home ice against everyone if the Habs pull off a game 7 win! Marty is old, as is Jackass Lemaire’s “Let’s score 1 goal and win” style!  Say what you want about how we fared in the regular season, we played injured each time we faced them. You know who owes you one? ANYONE who loves hockey! As my old pal Vivian says “BORING, BORING, BORING!” and he is right! Watching any team Lemaire coaches is more painful than tearing off a hangnail all the way up to your elbow! I loathe him and his antiquated coaching methods. Good riddance Marty and finally Jacques-ass!

PS…A big thanks to both of you for stealing my tee time,  Jacque-asses!

Filthbilly88 writes: Hey Southside, Love the show, Me and a bunch of buddies were thinking of coming to Pittsburgh for the Flyers vs. Pens playoff games but your (Pens) tickets are WAY too much. What gives?What gives? What are you Methusela? Did Benjamin Franklin baby sit your kids? We thank you for eliminating some of our light work, but we will be playing the Bruins or the Habs! Here’s what gives…go put on your 2″ thick glasses, put down the Ben-Gay, and read the following: By average the Penguins are actually toward the LOWEST priced tickets available for playoff hockey! As of right now the only arenas cheaper for playoff tickets are Washington, and Vancouver. If you still feel like “digging up” a few buddies, here are some ways you can save up enough money so that you can take your horseless carriage to Pittsburgh and catch a game in the NEXT round!:

1) When you go to KFC try licking OTHER peoples fingers!
2) Take the bus to the drive-in.
3) Sell your Revolutionary War uniform.
4) Wager HEAVILY on the Pens to win the next round in 5! You read it hear first (through your thick ass glasses!)

Alright, that’s it for now, don’t forget, Canadian bacon is not bacon!

More I know nothings:

I Know Nothing: What the Puck? – Edition

I Know Nothing – Pittsburgh Penguins – Edition

I Know Nothing – Pittsburgh Penguins – Elvis Edition

I Know Nothing – Slapshot in the face! – Hanson Brothers Edition

I Know Nothing – Own the Imodium – Olympic Edition