Penguins Update: Where Have You Gone Gary Roberts?

When I arrived at Wright’s Gym yesterday afternoon to relieve The Other Rick (he works there, too) we began discussing the Penguins as we often do. While I’m not sure how we got on the subject, the Pens’ physicality (or lack of) came up.

“Wish we could find another Battleship Kelly,” Other Rick opined.

“Or Gary Roberts,” I added. Hence, my title.

For those who never saw him play, Bob “Battleship” Kelly was a fearsome left wing who skated for the Penguins back in the mid-1970s. In addition to enjoying a near mythical reputation with his fists, Kelly possessed a wicked slap shot. Over a two-season span he netted 52 goals while riding shotgun for phenom Pierre Larouche during the heyday of goon-squad hockey.

Roberts, likewise, was a hard-as-nails performer with a scoring touch. Dubbed “Scary Gary” for his steely demeanor, he’d hop over the boards and light up the first opponent he saw. At the ripe old age of 41, Roberts carved out a permanent spot in black-and-gold lore when he beat the tar out of Philly’s Ben Eager, a hulking specimen 25 pounds heavier and 17 years his junior.

They don’t make ‘em like that any more.

Well, actually, they do. Josh Anderson and Boone Jenner of Columbus and Washington’s Tom Wilson (yes, that Tom Wilson) come to mind. We just don’t draft or cultivate them.

The closest thing we have to a classic power forward is Patric Hornqvist. Don’t get me wrong. In terms of pure hockey toughness, the supercharged Swede is second to none. But while “Horny” relishes contact…especially in front of the net…he’s not a deterrent or protector.

True, one could argue the game has changed since the Pens employed the likes of Roberts, Ryan Malone and Big Georges Laraque back in 2007-08 and you’d be right. Speed and skill are at a premium. As the Pens proved during their back-to-back Cup runs, you can win it all without a traditional physical presence.

Sort of.

Actually, those Cup teams had more gristle than you might think. In addition to Hornqvist (387 hits over two seasons), Chris Kunitz doled out a whopping 480 hits during the same span. Sporting a choir-boy grin, “Kuni” had a way of putting every ounce of his 195-pound frame into his checks, to bone-jarring effect. Although undersized, Scott Wilson likewise brought a physical element in ‘16-17 (167 hits).

Hornqvist and the surprisingly feisty Jake Guentzel aside, it’s hard to imagine any of our current Pens forwards finishing their checks with such frequency.

Lest you think physical play has no place in today’s game, think again. Deploying hammers like Wilson, Devante Smith-Pelly and ex-Pen Brooks Orpik, Washington pounded our boys to the tune of 223 hits over last spring’s six-game set, many of the brutal variety. The incessant body work softened us up and no doubt sapped the starch from our legs as the series wore on.

Detestable as it was, Wilson’s demo job on Zach Aston-Reese midway through Game 3 (in full view of the benches) was arguably the turning point of the series. Up 2-1 at the time, the Pens…visibly shaken…yielded the game-tying goal 85 seconds later. The Capitals rallied for a 4-3 victory to snatch control of the series.

There’s a reason Washington signed Wilson to a long-term deal for $31.2 million this summer. Loathe him if you will. But he’s a difference maker.

Which brings me back to our largely punchless Pens. Without a serious upgrade in the muscle department, I’m concerned we’ll once again be the poundees instead of the pounders during the upcoming season…especially against bitter Metro Division rivals like the Capitals and Blue Jackets. Both have the requisite thumpers to make our lives miserable.

Help may be on the way in the guise of Anthony Angello, a 22-year-old center of impressive proportions (6’5” 210) who reportedly plays a power game. Ditto forward prospect Kasper Bjorkqvist, who scouts liken to a young Hornqvist. Second-round pick Filip Hallander also boasts some size and jam. Don’t expect them in the ‘Burgh any time soon.

In the meantime? I wonder if Roberts has any kids.