Pittsburgh: The Town Where Hockey Tough Guys Go to Die

Ryan Reaves. Jamie Oleksiak. And now Erik Gudbranson. Tough guys all. Each rated among the best fighters in the NHL, if not all of hockey.

What do they have in common? Each was acquired by Penguins general manager Jim Rutherford to protect the team’s star players from opposing mayhem during the Mike Sullivan era. A job they collectively performed fairly well when given the chance. That is, until each fell out of favor with the fiery skipper before being shunted out the revolving door that so aptly describes the organization’s attitude toward tough guys.

We need a tough guy. We don’t need a tough guy. Off…on. Like a light switch.

You could almost sense Sullivan drawing a bulls-eye on these guys from the moment they arrived.

It was obvious from the get-go this season he was enamored of rookie defenseman John Marino, an astute off-season pickup. And really, what’s not to like? The kid’s 22, a coveted right-hand shot, skates well, defends well and does a decent job of moving the puck. Isn’t shy about using his 6’2” 181-pound frame. Plays with a bit of an edge, too.

The handwriting was pretty much on the wall. Gudbranson, making $4 million a year on a cap-strapped team, had dropped out of the top six on defense. Actually plummeted is more like it. When he did play, he more closely resembled his “Badbranson” past than the player who performed remarkably well (54.7 Corsi) after being acquired from Vancouver last February for Tanner Pearson. When the Pens tried him on the unfamiliar left side as a possible alternative to Jack Johnson during a 7-2 rout of Winnipeg, he struggled to make even the simplest of plays. It was painful to watch.

Thus, it was no great shock to learn Rutherford had peddled the former number three overall pick to Anaheim for Andreas Martinsen. For the record Martinsen is a rarity, a Norwegian-born power forward who possesses size (6’3” 229) and hits like a pile driver. But he’s not much of a scorer—nine goals in 152 career NHL games—and the 29-year-old handles his dukes…well…like a European.

Which brings me to the point of this article. Once again, our Pens are virtually bereft of anyone schooled in the fine art of pugilism. Zach Aston-Reese is okay for a middleweight, but he’s certainly not equipped to go up against heavyweights. He’s injury-prone to boot.

So why should we care?

I’ll give you a two-word answer. Tom Wilson.

Wilson is the quintessential hockey bully. He preys on the small and weak, those unable to defend themselves. His blatant takeout of Conor Sheary’s leg during the 2016 playoffs was one of the most gutless and despicable acts I’ve ever witnessed on a hockey rink. And I’ve been watching hockey since the lawless 1970s, when renegade teams like Philly’s “Broad Street Bullies,” Boston’s “Big Bad Bruins” and the equally nasty St. Louis Blues of Plager Brothers fame plied their nefarious trade and made mincemeat out of more passive teams like our Pens.

Trailing, but only slightly, on my dishonorable mention list are Wilson’s blindside hit on Brian Dumoulin and brutal steamrollering of the aforementioned Aston-Reese during the 2018 playoffs. The latter, which left the Pens’ forward prone on the ice with a broken jaw, was arguably the turning point of a series that ended our rein as champions.

For the record, Washington picked up second-tier tough guys Garnet Hathaway and Radko Gudas over the summer to aid and abet Wilson and “The Great Eight,” Alex Ovechkin. I’m not looking forward to watching the Caps fold, spindle and mutilate our guys. Or, for that matter, the Columbus Blue Jackets (Josh Anderson, Boone Jenner, Nick Foligno). Or the Philadelphia Flyers (Chris Stewart). Or any of the other clubs that still carry a tough guy or two or three.

There are more of those teams out there than you think. Remember, the Blues won a Cup playing a heavy game. Their lineup included Robert Bortuzzo, yet another former black-and-gold bruiser.

Yes, I know Sullivan wants to play a speed game. It’s the best fit for our talent; it’s what won us two Stanley Cups. Nor am I arguing with trading Gudbranson. You can’t pay a guy $4 mil to sit in the press box.

I’d hoped the return would be Nick Ritchie, a burly 6’2” 234-pound slab of left wing rumored to be in play. He possesses a modicum of talent (14 goals in 2016-17), fights very well and is affordable ($1.5 mil). But Ducks GM Bob Murray either had Rutherford over a barrel, or GMJR wanted to dump as much salary as possible. He succeeded in acquiring Martinsen, who only makes $750,000/season

From a cap standpoint, mission accomplished.

Still, hockey is hockey. At its core, a physical and sometimes violent sport. You must have somebody in the lineup…preferably a couple of guys…who can make the Wilson’s of the world think twice about taking liberties. And if they do, pay a price for their indiscretion.

Unfortunately, the Pens traditionally don’t cultivate and develop that type of player. While there’s hope for the future with the likes of 2019 draft picks Samuel Poulin and Nathan Legare, power forwards both, there’s nobody…and I mean nobody…in the pro pipeline right now remotely capable of protecting his teammates and serving as a cooler. Unless you count Joseph Cramarossa, another middleweight skating for the Baby Pens.

As he is wont to do, I’m sure Sullivan will encourage a “team toughness” approach. Rally ’round the flag, boys. (Or Penguins crest.) All for one and one for all.

It’s all-too-easy to embrace that approach when you’re standing in relative safety behind the bench and not absorbing a cheap-shot elbow to the head. It ain’t your blood being spilled.

Let’s see how well that plays the next time a Jenner or Anderson flattens one of our goalies without a hint of retribution. Or Wilson goes on one of his seek-and-destroy rampages. It’s like giving the fox the keys to the hen house.

In the meantime, Pittsburgh is earning a well-deserved reputation as a town where hockey tough guys go to die.