Penguins Update: No Joy in Mudville

Oh, somewhere in this favored land (Seattle) the sun is shining bright; the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light, and somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; but there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out.

On Sunday, I voiced my displeasure over the fact that the Penguins chose to leave buzz-saw forward Brandon Tanev exposed in the expansion draft.

However, I confess my mood lightened over the past couple of days as I read a series of articles on other sites. Articles that suggested it made more sense for Seattle to take defensive wiz Zach Aston-Reese. If not ZAR, then Marcus Pettersson and his flashy 72 percent WAR. Why, there was even a convincing pitch touting pricey Jason Zucker as captain material for the fledgling team.

As I eagerly read the posts and drank in the Kool-Aid, I almost had the sense they were part of a carefully conceived plot by the local media to steer Kraken GM Ron Francis away from Tanev.

Unfortunately, the shell game didn’t work. The Kraken grabbed Tanev. Stripping a truly unique bundle of speed, aggression and energy from the black and gold in the process. His nickname…”Turbo”…says it all.

“He’s a maniac out there in so many good ways,” Zucker told Seth Rorabaugh of the Tribune-Review. “He brings a lot of energy to our team. He’s a fighter in every sense of the word.”

Give Francis credit. He knows a special player when he sees one. Which is more than I can say for our brass.

What is it about the Penguins that they feel an almost pathological need to divest themselves of any vestige of physicality? Ryan Reaves, Jamie Oleksiak (also selected by the Kraken), Erik Gudbranson, Patric Hornqvist and now Tanev. Makes those “long pants” statements by Brian Burke seem kind of hollow, don’t it?

Perhaps GM Ron Hextall fully intends to follow through on his stated desire to add size and aggression. He’s rumored to be pursuing Toronto’s Zach Hyman, a 6’1” 211-pound slab of productive power forward set to become a UFA. And there are players in our system, most notably Anthony Angello, Sam Lafferty and Nathan Legare, who combine size with sand to varying degrees. While not especially tough, Samuel Poulin and Radim Zohorna both shop in the Big and Tall Store.

Too, maybe Tanev’s hell-for-leather style will catch up with him. After playing all but one of the Pens’ 69 games in 2019-20, he missed 24 contests this past season.

But for now, losing Tanev sucks. Big time.

Speaking of #$@%ing…

Back to Hextall. I know I’m letting my disappointment do the talking. It’s early and it really isn’t fair to judge Hexy’s work until he’s completed his offseason makeover. But, to my eye, he hasn’t exactly dazzled out of the starting blocks this summer, eh?

Yes, Hextall signed Teddy Blueger to a two-year extension with an AAV of $2.2 million, thus avoiding arbitration. A spot that possibly could’ve been filled on the cheap by UFA-to-be Frederick Gaudreau.

Then he promptly dished Jared McCann to Toronto for middling prospect Filip Hallander, even though McCann (also now a Kraken) enjoyed a terrific all-around season and had a year to go on a very reasonable deal.

Bottom line? Somehow, Hextall pulled a two-fer in reverse, losing two pretty good hockey players in the expansion draft instead of one.

I’d say he’s got his work cut out for him just to plug the sudden holes in our lineup, never mind actually improving the team.

A sliver of hope through the Mudville gloom? Hextall now has about $7.5 million in cap space to work with. We’ll see how he does.