Penguins Short-Circuit Lightning, 5-1

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t spit into the wind. You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger. And you don’t mess around with Geno.

Readers of a certain age will recognize the lyrics to Jim Croce’s classic, You Don’t Mess Around With Jim. With all due respect to late singer/songwriter, I altered his last verse to sound a warning to the rest of the league.

Don’t rile the big Russian.

The two-time defending Cup champion Lightning learned the hard way. Five minutes into the third period of an intensely chippy affair, Evgeni Malkin banged into Corey Perry, who’d been throwing his weight around, and sent the Bolts’ heavy corkscrewing into the ice. Taking immediate exception, Perry’s linemate Pierre-Edouard Bellemare ran the Pens’ superstar into the boards. Geno bounced off the check and pursued Bellemare and the puck, hounding him into a turnover. Then Malkin burst up ice on a breakaway and torched countryman Andrei Vasilevskiy to make it 4-1 Pens.

“How do you like them apples?” crowed AT&T Sportsnet color man Bob Errey.

All in a night’s work for No. 71. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Our Penguins turned in arguably their most dominant performance of the season last night before a packed house at Amalie Arena…certainly the most dominant in the New Year. I don’t know how else to describe it except to say from the opening draw to the final horn we were on the Lightning like white on rice.

Malkin set the tone. Near the four-minute mark, Geno stole the puck from Erik Cernak and swooped through the neutral zone and into the Lightning end like a giant bird of prey. After dishing a short pass to Kasperi Kapanen, Malkin split the Bolts’ defense and drove to the net, creating chaos in the process. Kapanen’s shot/pass popped off Vasilevskiy and into the slot, where Danton Heinen arrived as Jonny on the Spot to knock it home.

Minutes later while working on the power play, Malkin played pitch-and-catch with Kris Letang before slipping a pass to Jake Guentzel near the side of the Lightning net. Jake promptly fed Sidney Crosby in the left circle and our captain did the rest, smoking Vasilevskiy high stick side to forge a 2-0 lead.

Seeking to light a fire under his flagging ‘mates, Brayden Point dropped the gloves with Letang in the final minute of the period, setting a physical tone that carried through for the rest of the contest.

The Lightning finally found the on-switch six minutes into the second period, courtesy of a gaffe by Letang. Hulking Pat Maroon picked off Tanger’s backhand clearing attempt and fed Bellemare, who steamed in and beat Tristan Jarry to pare the black-and-gold lead to one.

With the game suddenly up for grabs, our third line chipped in with a huge goal at 17:08. Thanks in no small part to a diligent and forceful backcheck by Jeff Carter, Evan Rodrigues picked off a pass by Ondrej Palat and sent Brock McGinn scurrying up ice on a breakaway. Disguising his intent till the last millisecond, the “Brock Star” beat Vasilevskiy with a sizzling wrister stick side to restore our two-goal edge.

Again, all hell broke loose in the final minute of the period when Mark Friedman grabbed Perry up high and flung him to the ice, touching off a wild donnybrook around the Pens’ cage. When the smoke cleared, our guys had a 5-on-3 power play and Lightning coach Jon Cooper was given the heave-ho.

With Bryan Rust cooling his heels in the penalty box, our power-play fizzled. The Lightning remained within striking distance in the third period until they messed with Geno and paid the price. Guentzel slipped home an empty-netter with six minutes left to run the score to 5-1 and take whatever starch was left out of the home team.

Puckpourri

Executing our suffocating forecheck to perfection, we ran up a stunning 75-45 edge in shot attempts and an equally impressive 40-21 advantage in shots on goal. All four of our lines dominated in terms of possession.

With a goal, two assists and a game-high six shots on goal, top-star Malkin was a one-man wrecking crew. He was on the ice for 29 shot attempts for and only 10 against. I’ve written this in the past but it bears repeating. When Geno gets in a groove, he has a top gear that I haven’t seen since Mario.

He’s in that groove now.

Jarry stopped 20 of 21 shots in a workmanlike effort while facing down 25 scoring chances, nine of the high-danger variety.

Friedman wins the Keith Acton Shite Stirrer Award. The feisty defender got under the skin of Maroon late in the second period and was at the epicenter of the period-ending fracas. He also finished a plus-2.

Following a long drought, the Pens received significant contributions from the supporting cast. Heinen tallied a goal and an assist to earn third-star honors. McGinn notched a goal, his first in 14 games. Rodrigues and Kapanen collected assists. With helpers in each of his past two games, Kappy appears to be emerging from a prolonged funk

Ten of Heinen’s 12 goals have come on the road.

With the game clock ticking down, Maroon clipped Malkin with a forearm/elbow to the head. No small man, Geno shrugged it off. But I’d still love to see us pry Nicolas Deslauriers out of Anaheim to ride shotgun for our stars and mete out a little frontier justice. A pipe dream…I know.

With our third win in a row, the Pens (34-14-8, 76 points) tightened their grip on second place in the Metro. Up next, a clash with division-leading Carolina tonight in Raleigh. We trail the ‘Canes (two games in hand) by three points.