If I Were King of the (Penguins) Forest

One of my favorite movies when I was a kid was The Wizard of Oz. One of my favorite songs from the classic? “If I Were King of the Forest,” sung to perfection by Bert Lahr in his role as the Cowardly Lion.

There’s an even more personal tie-in. Some years later when I was an undergrad at IUP, I gave my long hair an odd-looking clip job that made me resemble the Cowardly Lion. In fact, my friends would greet me with a teasing, “Put ‘em up, put ‘em up.”

Excuse the silly lead-in.

However, if you’re like me, you’ve fantasized from time-to-time about being the king of the Penguins’ forest, able to mold the team the way you’d like. In fact, Other Rick and I were discussing that very topic at Wright’s Gym the other day.

What would we do if we were the Pens’ GM? On a more personal note, which players would I have acquired in recent years, and how would those acquisitions have fared?

For those who are long-time readers of PenguinPoop, it comes as no secret I would’ve concentrated heavily on adding some…well…heaviness to our lightweight lineup.

True confessions…one of my favorite non-black-and-gold teams (one I used to envy) was the Blue Jackets, circa 2016-17. In no particular order, they boasted bristling defenseman Dalton Prout and rugged forwards Nick Foligno, Josh Anderson and Boone Jenner, not to mention the villainous duo of Brandon Dubinsky and ex-Flyer Scott Hartnell.

They were murder to play against, as Sidney Crosby…once repeatedly cross-checked in the neck by Dubinsky…can attest.

Not only were the Blue Jackets physical, they were darn good. In fact, they nearly equaled our NHL record by reeling off 16-consecutive victories. The CBJ went on to roll up 108 points that season, only three shy of our eventual Cup-winners. They just had the misfortune of running into us and, in particular, a piping-hot Jake Guentzel in the opening round of the playoffs.

Two years later, the bristling Blue Jackets gained a measure of revenge by sweeping aside Presidents’ Trophy winner Tampa Bay in the first round in brusque fashion, causing the Lightning to adopt a more physical approach that contributed to their back-to-back Cups. But I digress.

The following group of players is by no means all-inclusive. But it gives you an idea of the type of player I would’ve sought to acquire.

NICK FOLIGNO, Left Wing

Although I never wrote a specific article about him, the aforementioned Foligno is a player I’ve long coveted.

The former Blue Jackets captain and Messier Award winner oozes leadership and doesn’t hesitate to drop the gloves in defense of a teammate. While not a star, he’s always been a solid scorer in the 15-20 goal range, with 31- and-26-goal campaigns on his resume.

In short, a quintessential, old-school power forward.

No wonder the Blackhawks signed the rugged 210-pounder to ride shotgun for phenom Connor Bedard. A role the Buffalo native and son of former NHLer Mike Foligno filled quite effectively last season while notching 17 goals.

Although Foligno’s a bit long in the tooth at this stage, I would love to have acquired his services somewhere along the line. I think we would’ve benefited from his leadership and tough-as-nails presence.

SAM BENNETT, Center

Speaking of slam-bang forwards, a player I lobbied to acquire not once but twice is Panthers disturber Sam Bennett. A former fourth overall pick of the Flames back in 2014, “Playoff Sam” was languishing in Calgary when Florida GM Bill Zito acquired him at ’21 trade deadline for a second-round pick.

Since arriving in South Florida, Bennett’s piled up 70 goals in 213 regular-season games, an average of 27 goals per 82-game season. Fourteen more in 54 postseason contests. To say nothing of the foes he’s intimidated or wiped out with board-rattling checks.

This spring he was a pile-driving force…literally…for the Cup-winning Cats.

Former GM Jim Rutherford was rumored to be kicking the tires on Bennett, but for reasons unknown (Mike Sullivan?) never pulled the trigger. Our loss is definitely the Panthers’ gain.

TANNER JEANNOT, Left Wing

Next up on my hit parade (or parade of hitters)…Tanner Jeannot. A virtual clone of Bennett sans the speed and first-round pedigree, Jeannot seemingly came out of nowhere (Moose Jaw, actually) in ’21-22 to pile up 24 goals for the Predators as an NHL rookie, along with a staggering 318 hits.

Mean as a rattlesnake, Jeannot genuinely seems to relish his tough-guy role, dropping the gloves a whopping 35 times during his relatively brief NHL career and often smiling at foes as he beckons them to do battle.

Following a sluggish start to his sophomore season, Jeannot became one of the hottest commodities at the ’23 trade deadline. I wrote an article imploring then-Pens GM Ron Hextall to acquire the rugged winger.

Instead it was the Lightning, seeking a replacement for Pat Maroon, who landed the Saskatchewan native, albeit for the princely sum of four draft picks, including first- and-second rounders.

As fate would have it, we played the Bolts in Jeannot’s second game in his new digs. As I watched the proceedings unfold, one player looked ultra slow while consistently lagging behind the play.

Yep…Jeannot.

A small sample size, for sure. However, every subsequent time I had an opportunity to watch him play, I came away with the same impression.

Apparently, the Lightning did, too. After Tanner tallied just eight goals in 75 games in Tampa Bay (to go with a minus-16) he was dealt to the Kings this summer for second- and fourth-round picks.

Okay, chalk up my would-be acquisition of the 208-pound toughie in the loss column.

NIKITA ZADOROV, Defense

Last but certainly not the least (or smallest) of my trade targets? Body-mashing defenseman Nikita Zadorov.

Last summer I proposed trading Marcus Pettersson to the Flames to acquire the services of the human road grader, fresh off a 14-goal season in Stampede City.

The mammoth 6’6” 248-pound rearguard did nothing to tarnish his reputation during a ’23-24 season split between the Flames and Canucks. In fact, Zadorov enhanced it with a strong postseason, notching four goals and eight points in 13 playoff games along with 45 hits…many of the seismic variety.

The Moscovite’s rousing performance earned him a six-year, $30 million contract with the Bruins.

Back to my proposed deal. I’ve got absolutely nothing against Pettersson, who by all accounts has done an excellent job for us. Perhaps my Pettersson-for-Zadorov swap would’ve been no better than a wash.

However, the latter would’ve brought elements to our blue-line corps…most notably size, physicality and a booming shot from the point…that we sorely lack.

As for the sum total of my wheeling and dealing? A pair of plusses and a minus, with a break-even deal thrown in.

Maybe my moves wouldn’t have appreciably improved our Pens. But we would’ve been infinitely tougher…and a lot more fun to watch.