Penguins Plunder Capitals in Game 2

To borrow from the theme song to the old tearjerker “Love Story,” where do I begin?

I have so many impressions of the Penguins’ stunning 6-2 conquest of Washington at the Verizon Center last night…not all of them good.

Guess I’ll start at the beginning. How we survived another hellish first period, when the Capitals piled up an astounding 35 shot attempts to our eight, I’ll never know. On second thought, maybe I do.

Can you say Marc-Andre Fleury?

Once again, “Flower” was magnificent, stopping 16 first-period shots to keep our guys in the game almost single-handed. All I can say is, thank goodness Jim Rutherford didn’t move No. 29 at the trade deadline. I shudder to think where we’d be without him.

I know it isn’t the Penguins’ way, and never will be as long as JR’s in charge. But I wish we had somebody to discourage foes from taking liberties and cheap shots.

It was difficult to watch former Pen Matt Niskanen, hardly the toughest guy in the league, repeatedly apply his stick to various and sundry parts of Sidney Crosby’s anatomy. Although Ian Cole displayed some pushback for the locals, crushing churlish Tom Wilson with a huge hit early in the second period, it wasn’t enough to dissuade the Caps from running around.

A bully in the truest sense, Wilson scraped himself off the ice and did his usual worst, laying out Pens winger Tom Kuhnhackl midway through the third period in brutal fashion.

Maybe next game we can put assistant coach Rick Tocchet in a uniform and sneak him onto the ice for a few shifts. Even at age 53, I’d bet Tocchet—a ferocious fighter in his day—could whip Wilson with one fist tied behind his back.

Obviously, I digress.

Back to the game.

If ever a team looked like it’d rather be golfing, it was our Penguins. Even after “team dad” Matt Cullen exploited Kevin Shattenkirk and beat Braden Holtby through the wickets for a momentum swaying shorthanded goal 1:15 into the second period, we flattened out like the proverbial stack of pancakes. Especially after veteran Ron Hainsey brain-cramped only moments later, leaving the slot in front of Fleury completely unguarded.

The blueliner’s inexplicable gaffe afforded Niskanen squatters rights and a veritable zip code of space to work with. Only a miracle in the form of a Frankie Pietrangelo save would’ve prevented the erstwhile Pen from knotting the score at 1-1.

Heck, at one point, Phil Kessel scooped up the puck high in the Pens’ zone, ready to lead a breakout. Then he turned back, lost the puck and triggered yet another prolonged offensive surge by the Caps.

Pens coach Mike Sullivan implored his bedraggled troops for a better effort. Then he gave Crosby a tap on the left shoulder as if to say lead the way.

Taking Sully’s admonishment to heart, our captain gathered in a short pass from Jake Guentzel with seven minutes to play in the second period and wheeled around a stationary Alex Ovechkin, who for all the world resembled a tourist observing the cherry blossoms that adorn our nation’s capital each spring.

Drawing the rapt attention of both Caps defensemen, Sid slid the puck to Kessel cruising through the right faceoff circle. Holtby moved aggressively to cut down the angle. Drifting on one leg in that inimitable style of his, No. 81 sized up his target, found the tiniest of openings and ripped the puck over the netminder’s left shoulder.

While “Phil the Thrill” and his mates erupted in an emotional celebration, the Caps visibly sagged. Scanning their bench, you could almost read the discouragement in their eyes. Here we go again.

And so it was. Tapping our remarkable reserve of resilience, the never-say-die Pens proceeded to shake down “Ovy” and the Caps, stealing their lunch money (Game 2) and their girl (home ice) in one fell swoop.

After the sharpshooting Guentzel picked Holtby clean for a third Penguins goal—the first of two on the evening for the red-hot rookie—Caps coach Barry Trotz turned in true desperation to Philipp Grubauer to begin the third period. The backup goalie fared only slightly worse than Holtby, leaking two goals on nine shots.

Like Captain Jack Sparrow hurtling down from the yardarm in “Pirates of the Caribbean” to eviscerate an unsuspecting foe, our Penguins had their way.

Who’da thunk it after watching that first period?

Certainly not I.

Puckpourri

For the second game in a row, Washington dominated in shot attempts (88-45). The Caps also held a wide edge in shots on goal (36-24), hits (37-19) and faceoffs, winning 55 percent of the draws.

Kessel and Guentzel each tallied two goals and an assist. While the latter notched his playoff-leading sixth and seventh goals, the former snapped off four shots on goal and earned top-star honors. Fleury, who made 34 saves, was voted the game’s second star.

Crosby, Cullen and Evgeni Malkin collected two points apiece. “Geno” holds a two-point edge in the postseason scoring race over Crosby and Kessel (13-11). Guentzel ranks fourth with 10 points.

Carl Hagelin returned to the lineup last night, replacing Scott Wilson. He registered two shots on goal, a hit and a takeaway in 11:36 of action. Conor Sheary played a shade under nine minutes, the lightest workload among black-and-gold skaters except for Patric Hornqvist.

Hornqvist left the game late in the first period after blocking a shot with his left leg. Kuhnhackl (arm) and Hainsey (head) departed after stopping shots late in the third period. No word as of yet on their status.