Maybe I Can Make the Dreaded PenguinPoop Curse Work for Us

With our season entering the home stretch and a 17^th straight postseason berth anything but a given, it was suggested only partly tongue-in-cheek by my esteemed colleagues, Other Rick and Caleb DiNatale, that I make some “false” predictions in order to make the dreaded PenguinPoop curse work for us for a change.

For those who’ve only recently tuned into to our blog, I’m notoriously bad at making predictions. To the point where oft times when I make a statement or issue a proclamation, the exact opposite occurs. I’ve only half-jokingly labelled it the “PenguinPoop Curse.”

Here are but a few examples. Back on January 8, I wrote an elaborate piece comparing us to the 2017-18 Blackhawks, a team that collapsed in the second half and missed the playoffs, in the process ending a nine-year postseason run. Intimating we’d follow in the Hawks’ ruinous footsteps.

Last time I checked, we’re still in the playoff hunt.

On January 27, I opined the Sabres, “Are gonna make the playoffs, folks.” The Buffaloeans (??) promptly embarked on a Penguin-esque four-game losing streak and have gone an unsightly 9-12-4 since.

I pretty much penned our obituary following a home-ice hiding at the hands of supernova Connor McDavid and the high-flying Oilers on February 23 while comparing us to an ECHL team. We pulled a complete 180 and won four in a row en route to an unexpected 7-1-1 run. Proving the PP Curse works in reverse as well.

On March 9, I had a bright, sunny lead-in all but written, only to watch our boys blow a three-goal lead and get scuttled by the Islanders.

As recently as March 19, I proclaimed, “It (our chances of making the playoffs) ain’t lookin’ too good, folks.” Now we’re sitting relatively pretty. (Oops…shouldn’t have written that!)

My poor prognosticating extends to players as well. Following our playoff ouster at the hands of the Islanders in ’21, I suggested we trade Jake Guentzel to the Devils for Miles Wood. (Yes I did!) Since then, Jake has 72 goals and counting and Wood…uh…11.

This season I touted former Preds and present Lightning power forward Tanner Jeannot as a favored trade target. Since being dealt to the Bolts, Jeannot has zero, zip, nada goals and three assists in 15 games, to go with a minus-6. (Sorry Tanner!) The Lightning’s record since the trade? A sorry 5-8-2. (Sorry Bolts!)

Talk about having a cracked crystal ball!

Okay. Without further ado, here are my predictions for the final two weeks of the regular season.

• Our closest competitors for an Eastern Conference wild-card spot, the Islanders, Panthers, Sabres and Senators will win all their remaining games. (A bit of tricky business since the latter three play each other, but what the heck.)
• The Penguins will lose all of their remaining games.

Let’s hope the Curse doesn’t understand reverse psychology…