Rangers Massacre Bungling Penguins, 6-0

The Penguins’ roller coaster of a season plummeted to a new low last night with an embarrassing 6-0 loss to the Rangers at Madison Square Garden. A defeat that, in many ways, was a microcosm of a season (and team) in disarray.

Based on the final score, you’d think the New Yorkers ran us out of the building. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Pens displayed plenty of jump and controlled “the process,” as they so often do. They also buried themselves beneath an avalanche of blown coverages and breakdowns galore.

Indeed, the Rangers simply waited for us to self-destruct and capitalized when we handed them opportunities.

The first Blueshirts goal was a classic example. The much (and rightfully) maligned Jeff Carter somehow lost coverage on Mika Zibanejad just inside the right circle, leaving the 35-goal man unfettered and in prime scoring position. Make that 36-goal man. With Pierre-Olivier Joseph performing an ineffective pirouette, Zibanejad beat Tristan Jarry short side.

Near the end of the first period we gave ‘em a classic Penguins two-fer…a power-play opportunity courtesy of Evgeni Malkin and a late goal 11 seconds before the horn on a snipe from the left circle by Artemi Panarin.

Down 2-0, we began to press. Cue the bonehead decision-making. At 3:54 of the second period Vladimir Tarasenko…not exactly a guy you want to leave wide open…scored on a three-on-freakin’-one. Among the culpable, Sidney Crosby and Kris Letang.

Following a muffed power play, we allowed the Rangers to breakout four-men strong, leading to an easy side-of-the-net tap in by nemesis Chris Kreider. Roughly the equivalent of a gimme-putt in golf.

At this stage, coach Mike Sullivan mercifully yanked Jarry in favor of Casey DeSmith. Almost immediately, ol’ Case yielded a goal off his mask off a sharp-angle shot by Jacob Trouba (aka Public Enemy No. 1).

Panarin capped the humiliation at 16:38, thanks to some beautiful passing and typically weak defensive play by our guys down low.

Puckpourri

According to Natural Stat Trick, we held a significant edge in shot attempts (64-43), shots on goal (33-24), scoring chances (35-23) and high-danger chances (17-9), but we couldn’t dent Igor Shesterkin.

Perhaps one day we’ll have metrics such as RAB (Really Atrocious Breakdowns) and HYGOTD (Hanging Your Goalie Out to Dry). We’d no doubt lead the league.

Maybe a Plaxico Burress Shoot Yourself in the Foot Award as well.

I’ve been harping on this for a while now and so has everyone else. God bless him, but Carter’s gotta sit. He’s a minus-8 (with one assist) in his past eight games. Over his past 23 games…a minus-14. He literally costs us a goal a game.

Sullivan’s obstinance in this matter is, quite frankly, baffling. It’s likely to cost us a playoff spot (if it hasn’t already)…and Sully his job.

Not to pick on guys when they’re struggling, but Brian Dumoulin’s also on the minus train of late (minus-9 in his past 18 games). He was a minus-2 yesterday and failed to clear the puck just prior to the Rangers’ second goal.

Jeff Petry and Jan Rutta sat out with injuries. Chad Ruhwedel and emergency call-up Mark Friedman plugged the holes. When it rains it pours…Marcus Pettersson exited late in the game, once again leaving us with only five healthy d-men.

Malkin, Bryan Rust and newcomer Mikael Granlund were the only players to finish with an even slate. Everyone else sporting the black and gold was a minus.

As if to symbolize the volatile nature of our season, Jarry was pulled for the fourth time in his last 11 appearances. So much for that fat contract he’s seeking.

On Tap

The Pens (34-25-10, 78 points) host Ottawa (33-31-5, 71 points) Monday night before visiting Western Conference heavies Dallas and Colorado in back-to-backs Wednesday and Thursday.

We’re presently clinging to the last Eastern wild-card spot by our fingernails. The surging Panthers are one point behind.

It ain’t lookin’ good, folks.