I was pondering our Penguins today when I decided to devise some sort of system to rate POHO/GM Kyle Dubas’ moves thus far this summer. Something along the lines of a traditional hockey plus/minus.
Then I flashed back to one of the funniest (at least to yours truly) TV skits of all-time, “Men on Films” from the hit show In Living Color starring Daman Wayans and David Alan Grier as gay movie critics Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merriweather.
Their rating system ranged from an enthusiastic not to mention flamboyant “Two Snaps Up with a Twist” to the dreaded “Double Hated It!,” generally reserved for films starring women.
Given that my evaluations are strictly subjective, I thought I’d have a little fun and borrow the Men in Films rating system. I’ve added my own “Meh” for transactions I’m neutral about.
Keep in mind that a number of my favorites departed, so that’s obviously going to be reflected in my ratings.
TWO SNAPS UP
Acquired forward Nick Robertson from Toronto for a 4th-round pick in 2028. IMHO, Dubas’ one steal this summer, reminiscent of last season’s Egor Chinakhov heist. I think Jason Robertson’s kid brother has a chance to blossom in the ‘Burgh.
ONE SNAP
Signed defenseman Declan Carlile to a two-year contract ($1.5 million AAV) and defenseman Trevor van Riemsdyk to a two-year contract ($4 million AAV). Both should be solid additions to the black-and-gold blue line.
Didn’t re-sign forward Kevin Hayes. Although by all accounts a great teammate and class guy who handled a diminishing role last season with grace and dignity, it was time for Kevin to go.
MEH
Acquired forward Hendrix Lapierre from Washington for a 3rd-round pick in ‘27 and a 5th-round pick in ‘28. I guess landing a speedy, 24-year-old center with some pedigree at a fairly cheap price should excite me, but my spidey sense envisions another Philip Tomasino. Too, it potentially closes the door on a kid like Tristan Broz.
Goalie Stuart Skinner signed with Winnipeg. I’m not down on Big Stuuuuu departing so much as I am saddened about losing a really (really) good guy and teammate.
Forward Noel Acciari signed with Philadelphia. Even though I really like “Cookie” and so admired the work he did last season, as with Hayes it was time to bid adieu. However, I HATE that he signed with the Flyers. Which segues into my next category…
HATED IT!
Defenseman Ryan Shea signed with Edmonton. I really like the player Shea developed into last season under Dan Muse. I get that the five-year term he received from the Oilers (at a modest $4 million per) is a bit lengthy for a 29-year-old late bloomer, but that doesn’t change my rating.
Forward Joona Koppanen signed with Lulea HF (Swedish Hockey League). Don’t hate Koppanen departing so much, but rather the ripple effect it had on the organization. It pushed Dubas to acquire no-offense forward David Gustafsson from Winnipeg for defenseman Jack St. Ivany, who I liked as a depth option.
Defenseman Connor Clifton signed with Boston. Loved Clifton and his aggressive bent (180 hits, a team-high four fights) in only 50 games, to say nothing of his solid work in a third-pairing role.
Forward Bokondji Imama signed with Florida. I was very comfortable with Boko serving as a protector for the kids at Wilkes-Barre, not to mention the big boys in a pinch. In our time-honored Ivory Soap tradition, we bled off his toughness without batting an eye…or replacing it.
DOUBLE HATED IT!
Forward Anthony Mantha signed with New Jersey. Perhaps I’m squarely in the minority, but I loved the big guy and what he brought to the table. I get that he was initially looking for more $$$ and term than he eventually signed for, but as with Shea that doesn’t alter my rating.
In a case of guilt by association, hated signing forward Andrei Kuzmenko to a one-year contract for $5 million, presumably to replace Mantha. Especially given the nomadic Russian’s rep as a one-trick pony.
MIXED REVIEWS
Defenseman Parker Wotherspoon to Vegas with $500K of retained salary (Double Hated It!) for defenseman Kaeden Korczak (One Snap) straddles two categories. Perhaps Korczak can eventually move into the Two Snaps Up category.
CONCLUSION
Hmmm. That’s a lot more Hated It’s than Snaps. A fair reflection, I fear, of the direction the team’s heading in this season. An awful lot of really good guys, character guys, departed.
I can’t help but wonder what kind of effect that’s going to have on the team’s spirit and chemistry, to say nothing of its competitiveness and overall performance.
Hope the newbies prove me wrong.
