La Machine (Penguins) Slices and Dices Les Habitants, 5-2

Back in the late 1970s, Moulinex introduced a food processor aptly named La Machine. A pitch woman extolled its virtues in a TV ad, claiming, “It chops and grinds. Slices and shreds.”

Forgive me for the clunky comparison. But it reminds me of the way our Penguins have played for the past month. Propelled by a combination of rock-solid goaltending, ferocious forechecking, surprisingly sturdy team defense, excellent special teams play and timely scoring, we’ve chopped, ground, sliced and shredded the opposition with machine-like precision. Just like Montreal last night.

Yes, the Canadiens had lost six straight coming in and hardly reside among the NHL elite. But make no mistake, they came to play. With dreams of their 6-3 triumph over us on November 27 dancing in their heads, they applied good pressure from the outset and clearly intended to steal two points.

Then La Machine switched on. At 11:08 of the opening period Kasperi Kapanen scored thanks to an incredible bit of hand-eye coordination. As a chip off the stick of Evan Rodrigues fluttered toward the Montreal goal, Kappy shortened up on his stick and bunted the rubber over stunned goalie Jake Allen and into the net. I had to do a double-take to make sure it was No. 42 and not No. 87.

The Pens widened the gap to 2-0 at 6:45 of the second period on a power-play tally by our new secret weapon, Rodrigues. E-Rod took a no-look pass from Kris Letang in the left circle and laced a one-timer past Allen. I’m tellin’ ya’, the Pens have found something here. Off the top of my head, Rodrigues has at least five or six goals this season from his off wing near the left dot. Positively Ovi-esque.

The Habs struck on the ensuing rush, as Jonathan Drouin caught our guys napping courtesy of a pretty feed from Laurent Dauphin. Mike Matheson restored our two-goal edge at 11:27 on a blast from below the left point, thanks to a picture-perfect pass from Sidney Crosby and a fortuitous screen by Danton Heinen.

Still, Les Habitants refused to go quietly. With just three tics left in the period, rookie Jesse Ylonen beat Tristan Jarry with a blistering drive to pull the Canadiens to within 3-2. Make no mistake, a potential momentum-shifting goal.

Our boys were hardly phased. Twenty-eight seconds into the final frame, Brian Dumoulin hammered a long-range rocket past Allen from the lip of the zone to restore our two-goal edge. Big Brian Boyle pounced on a turnover at 9:28 and scored on a top-shelf laser to complete the slice-and-dice job.

La Machine indeed.

Puckpourri

Montreal had the better of the shot attempts (54-51). The Pens held a slight 31-30 edge in shots on goal and 29-23 advantage in scoring chances. We dominated the faceoff circle to the tune of 63 percent.

E-Rod collected a goal and two assists to capture star of the game honors. Number two star Crosby had two helpers and a game-best plus-three. Dumoulin (a goal, plus-two, three blocks) was named third star. With an assist, three shots and three hits, Letang (plus-three) enjoyed a strong game as well.

Since joining Sid’s line, Kapanen has two goals in three games. Boyle’s goal, his third of the campaign, snapped a 13-game goal drought. Nice to see the big guy get on the board. Ditto Matheson, who broke a 22-game schneid with his first tally since October 23. Jarry continues to be money between the pipes, stopping 28 of 30 shots for a .933 save percentage.

Rumor has it Jake Guentzel’s injury isn’t super serious…thank goodness. On the unfortunate flip side, apparently Bryan Rust’s is more long-term.

Our penalty kill is tops in the league with a stunning 92.7 percent kill rate. The power play (15.2 percent) still resides in the infernal regions (29th in the league) but it’s improving.

The black and gold has won five in a row and are 10-2-1 in our last 13 contests. We still hold fourth place in the Metro (15-8-5, 35 points) but are beginning to reel in the teams in front of us. We trail the Rangers and Hurricanes by four points and the front running Caps by five.

Up next, Buffalo on Friday at the Can.

Has anyone noticed the Oilers have lost six in a row since I anointed them the team of the future? Yes, the PenguinPoop curse is alive and well … lol.