Panthers Claw Punchless Penguins, 4-1

In the wake of the Penguins’ dreary 4-1 loss to the Panthers last night at FLA Live Arena, I thought I’d reprise a lead-in I’ve used before.

To borrow from noted rapper and lyricist Marshall Mathers (aka Eminem), will the real Pittsburgh Penguins “please stand up, please stand up.”

I don’t know if our guys relaxed now that the trade deadline has passed and jobs are more or less secure. Or maybe it was a matter of tired legs. After all, we are the oldest team in the league, and not just by a smidge.

Whatever the root cause, we went from playing top-notch hockey to…well…whatever you’d call that sorry excuse for a performance last night. As our attention to detail waned, old sins that hadn’t been evident during our glorious four-game winning streak resurfaced with a vengeance. Causing us to collectively resemble a claque of back-sliding church-goers who’d been out partying all night.

There was a slow start, for one. During a somnambulant first period, we tested Panthers goalie Sergei Bobrovsky with three (count ‘em…three) shots on goal, while our adversaries peppered Casey DeSmith. Culminating in another oldie but badie…a late goal by Sam Bennett with 22 seconds left in the period.

For an encore, we yielded another last-minute marker to Eetu Luostarinen 10 ticks before the second-intermission horn. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Along with our overall sloppy play came another bugaboo…stupid penalties. Danton Heinen was whistled for tripping with just seven seconds left in the first period. No sooner did we kill that one off then Kris Letang was banished for slashing 2:50 into the second period, which led to a power-play slam-dunk from the left circle by Aaron Ekblad.

Tanger did make amends on an ensuing 5-on-3, beating Bobrovsky from the left circle to 8:51 to pare the Panthers’ lead to 2-1. Perhaps appropriately, Evgeni Malkin capped the cavalcade of dumb penalties with a hooking infraction a short time later, in the process tying him with Kevin Stevens for the all-time club lead in penalty minutes.

Then came Luostarinen’s goal, courtesy of some typically shitey d-zone coverage, which came on the heels of a brilliant blocker save by Bobrovsky on Sidney Crosby, denying our captain a game-tying goal.

Instead of being tied 2-2, we’re down 3-1 heading into the final period and pretty much sagging on the ropes, waiting for the knockout punch. Delivered midway through the frame in the form of a Carter Verhaeghe bullet from the left hash mark.

Accidentally on purpose, Pens sparkplug Jason Zucker blasted Bobrovsky on the ensuing shift, drawing the ire of the entire Florida team and touching off a wild 6-on-5 scrum (DeSmith was prevented from joining the fray by the refs). Injecting a little venom into the proceedings and touching off a chippy final 10 minutes that included an attempted vasectomy by Aleksander Barkov on Letang.

Too bad it took 50 minutes for the Pens to display a pulse.

Puckpourri

The Panthers dominated statistically, running up sizeable advantages in shot attempts (67-53), shots on goal (42-32), scoring chances (40-23) and high-danger chances (21-12).

Unfortunate coincidence or not, we always seem to play our worst in front of DeSmith (Tristan Jarry was ill). Casey made 38 saves in a valiant effort, but couldn’t atone for the myriad mistakes being committed in front of him.

On the Panthers’ third goal, Marcus Pettersson accidently high-sticked Jeff Petry, preventing his partner from clearing the puck from Luostarinen’s path.

Bryan Rust had an incredible shorthanded shift while killing Zucker’s penalty. He may not be the greatest finisher, but you gotta love Rusty’s speed, sand and tenacity. Give me a team full of Rusts and Zuckers and I’m good to go.

In a bit of unfortunate timing, Bennett and Barkov returned to the Panthers’ lineup and provided a huge boost. On the flip side, black-and-gold newcomers Nick Bonino and Mikael Granlund were comparatively quiet, combining for just one shot on goal.

As anticipated, we recalled Drew O’Connor from the Baby Pens. Although one of our more effective players of late, the rangy forward continues to receive eye-dropperish ice time (9:03 last night) from coach Mike Sullivan. A head-scratcher.

Don’t look now, but Kasperi Kapanen has two goals in three games with the Blues, an empty-netter and a shorty.

On Tap

The Pens (31-22-9, 71 points) host the Blue Jackets (20-37-6, 46 points) on Tuesday night to kick off a five-game home stand, followed by the Islanders on Thursday night. Circle that one on your calendar, folks. It should be a barn-burner.

The loss drops us back into fifth place in the Metro and the second Eastern Conference wild-card slot, one point behind the Isles.