Categories: PenguinPoop

Penguins Progress Reports

As a kid growing up in suburban Bethel Park, I attended Benjamin Franklin Grade School during my formative years. In addition to receiving traditional letter grades for each subject, we also received an overall quarterly assessment of our progress, which fell into one of six categories.

Generally, I was firmly ensconced in the second category…Showing Satisfactory Development. My fourth-grade teacher, a strict no-nonsense schoolmarm named Alice Foster (picture Michel Therrien in a dress) frightened me into achieving the top tier…Showing Outstanding Development.

On rare occasion, I would slip into the dreaded third category…Making Progress: Capable of Doing Better. In other words…slacker. Upon reviewing my report card, my dad would latch onto this perceived dip in progress with the voracity of a wolf clamping down on a pork chop as a means of spurring me to greater academic achievements.

Back to hockey. Rather than passing out traditional A, B, C letter grades to our Penguins, I thought I’d resurrect the old progress report categories from my youth. Purely subjective, of course.

The only player I truly wrestled with was Noel Acciari, who could’ve slotted into the Achieving to Potential category. While I have absolutely no issues with “Cookie’s” attitude or effort, I think he has a little more to give offensively.

Without further ramble, here goes:

Showing Outstanding Development (PASSING)

Crosby, Guentzel, Letang, Nedeljkovic, Pettersson

Showing Satisfactory Development (PASSING)

Eller, Jarry, Rust

Making Progress: Capable of Doing Better (PASSING)

Acciari, Graves, Joseph, Karlsson, Malkin, O’Connor, Puustinen, Rakell, Smith

Achieving to Potential (PASSING)

Carter, Harkins, Hellberg, Nieto, Ruhwedel, Shea, White

May Need to Spend More Time in Present Grade (PASSING DOUBTFUL)

Hinostroza, Ludvig, Nylander, Zohorna

Must Spend More Time in Present Grade (NOT PASSING)