Penguins Update: Throw a Dog a Bone, Dubie, and Acquire Arber Xhekaj

As the refrain from the old children’s marching song goes, “With a knick-knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone…”

In this case, the pup who wants to be thrown a bone is yours truly.

By my humble estimation, this is not shaping up to be a banner season for the boys in black and gold. On the contrary, with an aging core and an awkward, unbalanced lineup courtesy of POHO/GM Kyle Dubas, I think it’s going to be a transition season in reverse.

Among the most glaring needs, a left-side defenseman and some legit toughness. Especially with the way other Eastern Conference teams, most notably the Capitals and Panthers, have muscled up.

I know a way to plug both holes in one fell swoop. Swing a deal for Canadiens RFA bruiser Arber Xhekaj or sign him to an offer sheet, if you prefer.

I’m only being slightly facetious.

For those unfamiliar with Xhekaj (pronounced JACK-eye), he’s an ultra-rugged 6’4” 240-pound mountain of a left-shot defenseman. The 25-year-old Hamilton (Ontario) hammer is also on a short list of the very toughest hombres in the league.

In his first NHL fight, Xhekaj annihilated respected veteran heavyweight Zack Kassian, essentially ending his foe’s effectiveness as an enforcer. The hulking Hab also went toe-to-toe with NHL heavyweight champ Mathieu Olivier, as this clip from their spirited 2024 tilt attests.

In short, “Wi-Fi’s” a throwback who lays big hits and discourages opposing forwards from setting up shop around the net.

Okay, so Xhekaj has also logged some of the worst metrics this side of former Pen Jack Johnson (a 2% overall WAR per the most recent JFresh chart I could locate). But if we’re going to stink, and I believe we are, I want someone in the lineup who can beat people up and instill a little fear in the opposition. I’d much rather be tough, entertaining and crummy than non-combative, bland and crummy. Which is how this team is shaping up.

As poor as his overall metrics are, Xhekaj actually shows remarkably well in select WAR subcategories, including Finishing, Goals and 1^st Assists. Indicating that, despite his shortcomings, he may be able to support coach Dan Muse’s attacking style in a limited, third-pairing role. Much as Connor Clifton did this past season.

If not Xhekaj, who’s drawn interest from the Flames and, yes, the @#&! Flyers? Massive 6’7” 231-pound Logan Stanley, late of the Jets and Sabres, is still unsigned. While hardly glowing, his metrics are better than Xhekaj’s and he’s generally been on the sunny side of plus/minus. The 28-year-old portsider also netted a career-high nine goals last season, nothing to sneeze at for a third-pairing defender.

Although not in Xhekaj’s class as a pugilist (few guys are), Stanley can certainly handle himself when push comes to shove.

Of the two, I’d prefer Xhekaj. To borrow from George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers, he’s bad to the bone.

Speaking of, Dubie if you’re listening, throw this old man a bone if you will and get us Xhekaj.